Malapascua Island (Philippines)

Malapascua Island:

A tiny speck of land sitting off the northernmost tip of Cebu, Malapascua was our next official island stop.  But getting there?  Well, that was an absolute logistical adventure.

To reach the island, we had to endure a four-hour journey from Cebu City to the departure pier on an open-air public bus.  We packed in alongside a sea of locals, live chickens, and a sound system blasting bad music so loud we immediately had to jam in our earplugs.  When I say loud, I mean like front-row rock concert loud.  And the driver wasn’t just pumping up the volume for one or two of his favorite tracks—this shit was blasting at absolute maximum volume for four straight hours.  I couldn’t even hear the caged chickens crowing on board until the driver finally pulled over for a quick piss break and shut off the engine.

Strangely, the locals seemed completely accustomed to the deafening noise; it didn’t phase them in the least.  I would look over at Barbie, we’d just smile at each other, and come to the exact same realization: “This is Asia.”

This lovely four-hour bus ride was our only way to get to the ferry departure point in Maya before crossing over to Malapascua Island.  It honestly would have been a much quicker journey had the bus driver and his crack, fare-collecting right-hand man not stopped every five minutes to pick up assorted other livestock, random passengers, and fully cooked pigs along the side of the road.

At a whopping $3 per person for the entire four-hour trek, this local bus was a total bargain considering the sheer entertainment value and the endless laughs we garnered en route.

Onto Island Life

The Visayan islands offer some of the most incredible opportunities on earth for scuba divers.  The biggest draw here is the chance to swim with rare Thresher sharks, which show up at Malapascua Island almost every single day.  Beach-wise, travelers primarily come here to escape the commercialized hustle and bustle of places like Boracay.  The island itself is real nice and features several beaches where you will likely find yourself completely alone, similar to other remote Philippine islands we’ve visited.

We shacked up at the Ocean Vida Resort on Bounty Beach, which is universally known as the undisputed “go-to” place on the island.  After taking a brief walk around the tiny island, it became immediately apparent that no other resort here even comes close to its level of comfort.

It is incredibly rare to find a place this quiet nowadays, as most Asian islands are absurdly overdeveloped.  Malapascua, on the other hand, is uniquely underdeveloped.  As I looked around, I suddenly remembered why: Typhoon Haiyan—known locally in the Philippines as Super Typhoon Yolanda.

Back in 2013, this monstrous storm hit Southeast Asia as one of the strongest tropical cyclones ever recorded in human history.  It was the deadliest Philippine typhoon on record, tragically killing at least 6,300 people.  While neighboring Leyte took the absolute brunt of the storm, Malapascua was also hit incredibly hard.  Upon our arrival, I had been wondering why the island looked so sparse, with palm trees and jungle vegetation that were a fraction of the size of what we saw on other Philippine islands.  Once a local explained that the typhoon had wiped out roughly 75% of the island’s natural vegetation, the slower pace of development made total sense.

The Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing

Malapascua is one of those rare places where you can truly switch off your brain, deeply relax, and completely forget about the real world.

If you are a diver, this place is absolute heaven for you.  In fact, every single dinner conversation you overhear on the beach will revolve around diving, dive sites, and shark sightings.  Besides diving, the only other major activity on the itinerary is chilling on the sand under a lone palm tree, thinking about and doing absolutely nothing.  There really isn’t much else to do here, which is a not really a problem to have when you travel with zero agenda.

🍽️ The Malapascua Spot List

Because the island is so tiny, the culinary rotation was short, sweet, but still decent quality:

• Ocean Vida Restaurant: Fantastic beachfront tables where you can eat with your toes in the sand. Great international and local dishes.

• Oscar’s: Located right above the dive center, offering top-tier pub food, cold drinks, and a killer view of the water.

LOOSE STOOLS INDEX

• Rating: 5 / 10

The index has officially taken a hit.  The local transport and island transition have disrupted the internal rhythm.  However, the true strength of a stools-focused man is to remain perfectly calm, cool, and proactive.  It is time to man up, hunker down, and rectify the situation before things potentially spiral completely out of control during our remaining time in the Philippines. The recovery plan begins immediately.

Thru the Binocs

Barbie and I have realized that for us, the actual act of traveling is just as important as the final destination.

Taking local transport is hands down the absolute best way to meet and genuinely mingle with the local population.  Some of my absolute favorite travel memories over the last eleven years have occurred while packed inside local transportation.

[The Transport Dilemma]
The A/C Private Car ──> Comfortable, clean, sterile, isolates you from the culture.
The Local Bumpy Bus ──> Hot, sweaty, loud, smells weird, but gives you the ultimate story.

Sure, it’s not always fun.  In fact, most of the time it’s hot, sweaty, smells kind of weird, and you are reasonably sure you might die at any given moment.  The allure of a nice, private, air-conditioned car is always dangling in front of you.  But when you constantly opt for the sterile A/C car, you are actively cheating yourself out of the raw, authentic experiences you came to see in a foreign land in the first place.

I’m not saying we totally boycott luxury transport—we are flashpackers, we upgrade to the comfortable option all the time.  But we try not to make a lazy habit of it.  Sometimes you just need to take the crappy, bumpy local train that feels like it’s about to fly off the tracks, or squeeze into a tiny tricycle over a dusty, potholed road where your head keeps banging against the roof.