Ko Yao Yai;
The second we hit the pier on Ko Yao Yai, Barbie had a massive smile on her face. She was totally in her element. You feel the shift the moment you step off the ferry. It’s a quintessential tropical paradise, one of the most untouched island I’ve ever been to. It’s the ultimate spot to reset and get back to nature.
Honestly, it feels like the only people here are the two of us, The Skipper, The Professor, Maryanne, and The Millionaire and his wife. Ginger is completely AWOL—rumor has it she made her way to Phuket and has been spotted on Soi Bangla. I can also officially report zero sightings of Yao Ming on Ko Yao Yai.
This long, narrow slice of paradise is ringed with thick mangroves and white-sand beaches. Somehow, it has avoided becoming another hectic, overdeveloped Thai resort island. It’s hard to believe a place this peaceful exists just a 45-minute speedboat ride from the tourist madness of Phuket’s east coast. Sitting right in the middle of Phang Nga Bay, halfway between Phuket and Krabi, it’s the anti-Phuket. I’m incredibly glad we hit Phuket first; if we’d done these islands in reverse, the pure serenity of Ko Yao Yai would have made the Phuket craziness entirely unbearable.
The local population is only about 3,000, and the residents seem fiercely protective of their traditional way of life. They clearly have no intention of letting their home get overwhelmed by mass tourism like the neighboring islands. Thank history for that.
True Remote Island Life
Every day, we hopped on the motorbike and cruised through dense, vibrant green forests to find completely secluded beaches. Most of the time, the only living souls in sight were a few local villagers, some cows, and a few goats.
When we checked into our resort, we were greeted by a Ladyboy (aka Ladyman). Neither Barbie nor I batted an eye. She was beautifully dressed, super kind, and professional. One thing I love about Thailand is how deeply accepted Ladyboys are in daily society. Nobody judges them, and nobody looks down on them. It’s a prime example of the incredible Thai tolerance for alternative lifestyles and personal choices. Unlike back in the States, where Bruce Jenner’s transition into Caitlyn was an absolute media circus full of rush-to-judgment opinions, the Thais just don’t care. My philosophy in life is simple: if you do no harm to other people or living things, who gives a shit? Live and let live.
The most mind-freeing part of this leg has been the total disconnect. No TV, no news, no business or financial background noise, no celebrity gossip, and absolutely zero US election drama. Half the time I don’t even know what day it is, nor do I care. I’m finally hitting the zone I set out to find—stepping outside the circle, shutting up, listening, observing, and not giving a shit about the unimportant, extraneous crap.
Barbie is genuinely sad to leave this level of peace. She’s seriously going to miss feeding the local roosters and chickens every morning. I have a strong feeling we’ll be mapping out a return to Ko Yao Yai before this Thailand journey is done. It’s just a cool tranquil place.
Beach Report
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Loh Paret Beach (West Side): 7/10
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Loh Jark Beach (West Side): 8/10
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Assorted Unnamed Beaches: 7/10 (Discovered during our random motorbike explorations around the island).
Health & Vitality
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Loose Stools Index: 6/10.
It’s come down a notch. Honestly, pretty acceptable baseline for being on a highly remote tropical island.
Thru the Binocs: Barbie’s Tropical Battles
If you think traveling around Southeast Asia with your partner is all smooth sailing and sunset cocktails, let me give you a peek behind the curtain. Barbie is currently waging war on three major fronts:
1. The Mosquitoes
These bastards absolutely love her sweet blood. She’s been spraying herself with a natural, chemical-free concoction mixed up by an old-school Thai lady we met in Ko Kret. The main ingredient is citronella, and it works great normally. But when we venture deep into the remote jungle areas, Barbie goes full “beast mode” and opts for the unnatural, industrial-strength 90% DEET formula we keep on hand. I told her the reason she keeps getting eaten alive is because she is actively at war with them. Me? I am at peace with the mosquitoes, so they leave me alone. The mind is a powerful thing, my friends. I am slowly transforming into Rambo. Maybe that’s why they don’t mess with Big Doug.
2. The Great Indoor Freeze
We are living in super steamy, tropical Southeast Asia with temperatures high enough to melt your brain. Yet, somehow, Barbie is freezing. Not outside when she’s schvitzing in the humidity, but the second we get indoors. She insists on blasting the room’s A/C. It’s a nightly battle, and the winner of the climate war is usually whoever falls asleep last and claims last licks on the remote.
The same goes for any train, bus, store, or mall—the public A/C in Thailand is always set to Arctic levels. In those places, I win by default because she has zero control over the thermostat. To compensate for her discomfort, she does a fantastic job of bitching. When she can’t fight the store manager, I become the target and get verbally attacked and called a “fat ass.” Apparently, in her mind, the extra weight I’m carrying acts as an unfair insulation layer. Logical, right?
3. The Local Wildlife
Being in the tropics means encountering some seriously freaky bugs. I’m not talking about the wimpy house spiders you see back home. These critters have about ten legs and look like they are actively plotting your demise. Barbie absolutely adores animals, but apparently, bugs don’t qualify for the cute and cuddly category.
It’s hilarious to watch her level of bravery. If she sees a tiny ant, she captures it with a piece of toilet paper and struts around the room like she’s the Terminator. But anything larger than an ant? Forget about it. The Terminator routine goes right out the window, and it’s entirely on Big Doug to step up, kick butt, and capture the monster.
Just another day surviving paradise together. Onto the next island.
Big Doug & Barbie Drop Out of Society 