Kampot (Cambodia)

Kampot & Kep:

How Barbie got crabs in Kep, Cambodia? More on that juicy bit of data in a second.

First, let’s talk about Kampot. To be completely honest, the town doesn’t look like much on first sight. There’s really nothing to it. It’s a small, incredibly sleepy southern Cambodian river town defined by wide, dusty streets and dilapidated, crumbling buildings left over from the old French colonial days.

But that is exactly the draw. Life moves at a crawl out here. It is completely unrushed. The hot afternoons are specifically engineered for lazing in a hammock by the water or diving into the current when the blistering sun forces your hand. To quote the Dead:

“I will walk alone by the Black Muddy River and listen to the ripples as they moan.”

               [THE KAMPOT SLOW-TRAVEL ARBITRAGE]
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ Daytime Reality   ──> Blistering equatorial heat & dust  │
│ Flashpacker Hack  ──> Hammocks, cold coconuts, river dips│
│ Dusk Performance  ──> Sunset directly behind Bokor Mount │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

Kampot features a gorgeous backdrop of Bokor Mountain directly across the water, where the sun cleanly sets right behind the peak every evening. Back in the colonial era, Kampot and neighboring Kep were the premier weekend retreats for the French elite, who dubbed the region the “St.-Tropez of Southeast Asia.”

When the Khmer Rouge moved into the area in the 1970s, the French understandably split. Today, many of those historic, bullet-pocked French buildings have been converted into high-character boutique guesthouses. Location-wise, Kampot sits right on the edge of the Vietnamese border and the massive Mekong Delta.

Kep Day Trip

One of the highlights of our time here was hiring a local tuk-tuk driver for the entire day to chart a course through the surrounding rural villages. We rode past traditional wooden stilt houses and navigated incredibly scenic, bright-green rice paddies. It was a blast sharing the narrow dirt roads with an endless procession of cows, chickens, pigs, and massive water buffalo.

With our hired 14-year-old local guide leading the way, we climbed through the spectacular Phnom Chhnork Cave. These raw limestone caverns were heavily utilized by the local Cambodian people as a strategic hideout to avoid being slaughtered by the Khmer Rouge during the dark years.

                 [THE SOUTHERN CAMBODIA BASE DECISION]
  Kep    ──> Seaside, elite seafood, but very little town atmosphere.
  Kampot ──> More character, great dining, heavy riverside vibes. (The Winner!)

After the caves, we proceeded down to Kep, a seaside town sitting right on Cambodia’s southern coast. Because Kep is so close to Kampot, I heavily contemplated which town to actually base ourselves in. Ultimately, I found Kampot to be way more atmospheric with significantly more to do. A focused day trip to Kep is completely sufficient, provided your sole mission is to gorge on the freshest seafood you can possibly find.

The Truth About Barbie’s Crabs

Kep is entirely defined by its world-famous, bustling waterfront Crab Market.

Barbie sat down and absolutely feasted on a mountain of fresh crabs tossed in a killer garlic-and-butter sauce—and that, my friends, is precisely how my girl got crabs in Cambodia. I bet you were waiting for something a whole lot more scandalous, but the only thing juicy about this scenario was the crab meat itself.

Barbie put down two full orders entirely by herself. She looked like a legendary, true Cambodian Crab-Eating Cave Woman. After completely devouring the plate, she boldly proclaimed that these fresh-caught crabs—literally pulled from the ocean right outside the restaurant window—were the single best crabs she has ever had in her life.

The moral of the story? Getting crabs doesn’t always end badly. And honestly, eating seafood directly at the source simply cannot be beat.

Moving to a Riverside Compound

We spent our first couple of nights shacking up right in the heart of Kampot town so we could be within easy distance of the local restaurants and nightlife. Once we checked that box, we shifted our tack upriver, upgrading our setup to a sprawling, ultra-spacious riverfront compound.

The property featured small villas spread out across massive, open green lawns, making it feel like we were living in a manicured Cambodian village. It was a deeply relaxing flashpacker hideout.

Being stationed directly on the river, you can grab a kayak and paddle deep into the local mangroves, stand-up paddleboard, take a lazy swim, or just sit on the dock and watch the wooden boats cruise past.

“Looking at the white boats coming up the river and it doesn’t look like they are here to deliver the mail.”

In our case, the boat wasn’t delivering mail—it was simply dropping off a fresh haul of young coconuts and some of those elite crabs from Kep.

The Food Log

For an out-of-the-way river district, Kampot and Kep boast some good culinary spots.

Kimly Seafood (Kep): The holy grail of crab dining. Order the garlic butter or the legendary local Kampot pepper crab.
Rikitikitavi & Mea Culpa: Western dishes in Kampot. Wood-fired pizzas and cocktails right on the river road.
The Rusty Keyhole: Famous for massive, ribs-falling-off-the-bone portions that hit the spot after a long day of touring.
Villa Vedici, Divino, Kocik Restaurant: Great casual spots to grab a cold drink, sink into a chair, and watch the water move.

LOOSE STOOLS INDEX

Rating: 6 / 10 (Down by the River)

The system took a pretty significant hit, dropping a few critical notches on the metric scale. We are currently sitting at a rocky 6.

Thru the Binocs

I see through the international news feeds that the U.S. State Department has just issued yet another ominous global terror warning for Americans traveling abroad.

Quite frankly, looking through my lenses from this side of the world, I feel a hell of a lot safer sitting here in rural Cambodia than I ever do walking through a movie theater, a Walmart parking lot, a school, or a late-night Taco Bell in the United States.

So what’s the play? Should Barbie and I cancel our entire global itinerary and race back to the USA—which has cleanly become home turf for all the unhinged crazies with guns? I don’t think so.

The only legitimate threats we have to worry about in Cambodia are being scammed by a slick monk or outmaneuvered by a rogue monkey. Case in point: a monk recently scammed Barbie out of a clean U.S. dollar up at Angkor Wat. Damn monks simply cannot be trusted!

You also have to keep your eyes peeled for the local monkeys. They are incredibly sneaky bastards and love to snatch your loose gear right out of your hands. But you know what? I am entirely okay with the monkeys. At least they don’t romp around public spaces toting assault rifles.

I guess it’s the State Department’s corporate duty to tell us exactly what we should be worrying about across the globe—and it’s my personal duty to tell them to kiss my fat ass.

Kampot was a flawless, highly relaxing retreat. But the slow-travel clock is ticking, and it’s time to trade the hammocks for the bright lights and big city energy of Phnom Penh.