Yangon (Myanmar)

Yangon: 

Yangon is to Myanmar what Bangkok is to Thailand: it’s massive, spread out, acts as the main business center, and it is completely chaotic.  It’s absolutely nothing like the rest of the country, which moves at a significantly slower pace.  Unlike Bangkok, however, Yangon has zero efficient or comfortable mass transit systems.  Cabs are your only real mode of transport, but the silver lining is that they are absurdly cheap.

The Kindest People in Southeast Asia

Just like elsewhere in Southeast Asia, the locals here are extremely welcoming and friendly.  But if I’m being honest, I found the Burmese people to be the kindest of them all.  As devout Buddhists, they are genuinely welcoming to any stranger.  Their friendly, almost familial attitude toward travelers was very similar to what Barbie and I experienced during our time in super-friendly Cambodia.

Everyone greets you with a giant smile.  Every single Burmese person we met literally went out of their way to make sure we were having a good time.  Most importantly, there is absolutely zero hustle for your tourist dollar.  That beautiful lack of aggressive sales pitches allowed us to completely let our guard down and just enjoy a conversation without waiting for the inevitable pitch.

No Motorcycles and the Innocence of ’96

Yangon is arguably the most exotic city in Southeast Asia.  You’ve got glittering gold pagodas dominating the skyline and monks in rich burgundy robes casually wandering the streets.  The city itself is full of crumbling, colorful colonial buildings.

[The SE Asia Traffic anomaly]
Typical Asian Metropolis ──> Millions of chaotic scooters.
Yangon City Center      ──> Zero. (Strangely, motorcycles are illegal here)

The roads are chaotic but, unlike in most other Southeast Asian hubs, there wasn’t a motorcycle to be seen because they are strangely illegal in the city center.  I really digged the whole vibe.  The absolute innocence of the place reminded me of my memorable trips through Vietnam back in 1996, back when that country was in its early, untouched tourism phase.

Food Scene

When it comes to the food scene in Yangon, the locals love to chow down just as much as any other big Asian city.  The pungent, delicious smell of cooking is permanently in the air, emanating from the street vendors parked on almost every corner.  Noodles are the undisputed go-to dish here.

The local cuisine plays is a mixture of Thai, Chinese, and Indian flavors—which makes perfect sense when you look at a map and see Myanmar physically sandwiched right between those three heavyweights.  Best of all, the local dishes are absurdly cheap.  I was spending anywhere from 80 cents to $3 USD for decently sized, killer portions.

🍜 The Yangon Street Food Checklist

• Shan Noodles: Absolutely awesome. Sticky, savory perfection.
• Tea Leaf Salad: A total staple. Crunchy, bitter, and incredibly solid.
• Mohinga: The big national dish. It’s a rich rice noodle and fish soup. You can find it in just about any restaurant, tea shop, or street stall. It’s traditionally consumed for breakfast, so make sure to hunt it down before noon.

The Two Big Activities

Aside from simply wandering the action-packed streets, there are two major things you have to do when you visit Yangon:

1. The Circle Train

I was highly anticipating this journey.  It’s an old-school train that takes about three hours to complete a massive loop around the entire city, costing a total budget-busting 23 cents per person. This is the ultimate activity when you are traveling with zero time constraints and simply want to hang out with the locals and watch the world go by.

We bounced over the rickety tracks, taking in all the incredibly colorful local life while gazing out the windows of this open-air, honky-tonk train.  We rolled past lush green rice fields, rural villages, and bustling markets that literally set up right on the railway stations.  I wasn’t alive in the 1940s or 50s, but I envision this is exactly what train travel felt like back then.  It was a beautiful, deeply trippy experience.

2. Shwedagon Pagoda (Where Big Doug Became a Superstar)

Look, I am not a big temple guy, but this massive golden pagoda and its sprawling grounds were spectacular.  I was completely awed by this shimmering golden stupa highlighting the city skyline by day and night.

But as it turned out, Buddha was not the only star at the Shwedagon Pagoda—Big Doug was also a massive attraction.  The Burmese people are generally small in stature, with the majority standing right around five feet tall on a very tiny frame.  Apparently, they are not used to seeing Westerners, especially one measuring 5’10” who goes by the name of Big F’ing Doug.

While walking the grounds, I felt like a true celebrity.  The locals would constantly stop Barbie and me to pose for photographs.  They just wanted to chat, practice their English, and learn where we were from.  It was a totally surreal experience receiving that much attention, and I got a massive charge out of the scene.  Now I know exactly what it feels like to be Michael Jordan.  Yet another reason to visit Myanmar—you too might become a star.

🍽️ The Yangon Restaurants

• Aung Mingalar Shan Noodle Shop & 999 Shan Noodle Shop: The undisputed heavyweight champions of the noodle game.
• Banana Leaf: Incredible, authentic flavors.
• Shwe Mingalar Restaurant (@ 19th Street BBQ): The ultimate spot for cold beer and open-air charcoal grilling.

LOOSE STOOLS INDEX

• Rating: 1 / 10 (A Temporary Disaster)

Normally, I wouldn’t elaborate on a low score, but a messy, rock-bottom 1 rating clearly warrants a detailed explanation for the loyal followers of the index.  I am pinning this total demise squarely on either the Penang Noodle Soup at the airport or the Air Asia onboard “Diarrhea Wrap.”  It was a total debacle in the annals of the Loose Stools Index.  To be fair, I was completely due for a hit because I was getting a bit too cocky.

The minute we cleared immigration in Yangon, my bowels absolutely exploded.  Fortunately, the airport bathroom setup was shockingly ideal, so I took care of business efficiently and mistakenly thought the issue was resolved.

We hopped into a taxi, and while sitting in severe, unmoving traffic, the loose stools gods basically said, “No way, big boy, we are not finished with your ass.”

Try to picture the scene: bumper-to-bumper gridlock in a third-world country, hot as shit inside the cab, and a solid 30 minutes away from the hotel.  I simply could not take the pain anymore.  It was literally seconds before an absolute disaster struck inside that vehicle.

Fortunately, the driver located a dumpy local tea house off the dusty road.  I tore ass approximately .1 furlongs to the back room, while Barbie—being the deeply compassionate partner she is—stood there laughing her absolute ass off.  I was faced with a dreaded, old-school squat toilet and zero toilet paper.

But being the highly adaptable flashpacker that I am, I managed to put the fire out under those less-than-ideal conditions.  Honestly, I’m a stronger and better man for having endured that disaster under abominable pooing conditions.  Miraculously, that was the absolute end of the drama, and I somehow bounced back to a solid 9 on the index the very next day. Big Doug was put to the ultimate test, and life is officially back to being good!