Ein Gedi & Dead Sea: Judean Desert
Most travelers hitting the Ein Gedi, Dead Sea, and Masada circuit do it as a frantic day trip or, at best, a single overnight stay. We’re doing this round-the-world thing on our own schedule, though, so we gave ourselves four nights. That was the perfect amount of time to actually kick back and soak up that desert atmosphere.
Having lived in Las Vegas for 18 years, Barbie and I were right back in our element with this extreme heat. It was sitting right around 95°F during our visit in late October—a prime time to go because you dodge the summer tourist herds and the brain-melting 105°F highs. We picked up a rental car in Jerusalem, headed south into the Judean Desert, and drove along the Dead Sea with Israel on one side and Jordan on the other. I’ve never been to the moon, but I’m pretty sure the landscape around the Dead Sea is as close to a lunar surface as you can get without a rocket ship. The Dead song Standing on the Moon put us in the right groove for our stay.
The Kibbutz Life
We took a hard pass on those overpriced, soulless cement-block hotel chains that line the coast in Ein Gedi. Instead, we opted for the lush, green grounds of the Ein Gedi Resort Kibbutz. This place sits on the edge of the desert, smack in the middle of nowhere, right alongside the Dead Sea.
If you want to experience just a little bit of what it’s like to live—not work—in a communal atmosphere, this kibbutz is a solid place to start. It reminded me of my old Camp Echo Lake days, with families all sitting down to eat together in a massive dining hall. We loved the botanical gardens and the wild ibex roaming the property, though I’ll be honest: the rooms were tired and in dire need of a serious renovation.
With one exception.
I’m going on the record here: this old-school kibbutz had the greatest toilet-flushing system I have ever encountered in my life. The flush was an absolute, mechanical monster. It could conquer any “loose stools” issues you threw at it without breaking a sweat. If only the rest of the room lived up to that engineering marvel.
We spent a lot of our time lounging by the cliffside pool, which has sweeping, panoramic views over the Dead Sea. The kibbutz also provides access to a commercial spa right on the water. We spent an afternoon floating in the healing, salt-dense waters of the lowest place on earth and coating ourselves in the famous black mud. By the time we let the sun dry it on our faces, we looked like characters from Apocalypse Now ready for jungle warfare.
People pay a fortune for this stuff in Bergdorf Goodman back home, but here? It’s free for the taking right at your feet. I applied it generously—and then went back for a second coat. It’s good to be the king.
We spent our mornings hiking the Ein Gedi Nature Reserve. It’s a literal oasis in the desert, packed with permanent springs, crystal-clear waterfalls, and desert flora. You feel like you’ve stumbled straight into the Garden of Eden. There are tons of arid mountain trails here; this is actually the area where David hid out while running from King Saul, and you can still see the caves he used. It was hot as shit on the climbs, but you can cool off by taking a dip in the natural waterholes and waterfall pools. I’m still baffled by how much fresh water rolls down those falls when you’re standing high up in a bone-dry desert.
We even tried to get our lazy asses up at 4:30 AM to hike the ancient fortress of Masada for the sunrise—only to find out the trail didn’t open until 5:45 AM. We reset the alarm and went back to sleep. Guess what? We slept right through the reset alarm. Barbie was a happy camper, though; she was thrilled to take the “alternative route” up: the cable car. No sweating our butts off, but no sunrise for us Flashpackers.
Most travelers heading south from here keep going to Eilat, but we skipped it. I was there 25 years ago and left completely unimpressed.
The Women of Israel
The majority of women in Israel are strikingly attractive, and what makes them so captivating is that they wear very little makeup—they look natural. Even the older generation seems to be growing old gracefully, skipping the aggressive plastic surgery that is so commonplace in the States nowadays. And, I can’t forget to mention that many Israeli women have a natural athleticism—they look fit, stylish, and independent. The women in Tel Aviv, in particular, seem like they don’t take any shit from anyone. I honestly feel sorry for the single guys out there; they have their work cut out for them trying to throw lyrics at girls who are cold as ice.
Jerusalem is the complete opposite. The style there is dominated by faith. A majority of the religious women cover their hair to conform to religious law, and frankly, the fashion choices leave a lot to be desired. Nothing matches, and they clearly have no clue how to dress—or more likely, they simply don’t care. Yet, most have about a half-dozen kids in tow, so they’re clearly attractive to someone.
That “special someone” clearly isn’t majoring in fashion either, considering his uniform is strictly black pants and a white shirt. Then again, I shouldn’t throw stones—my personal idea of stylish is a pair of cutoff Under Armour dry-fit shorts and Rainbow flip-flops.
Big Doug & Barbie Drop Out of Society 