Hong Kong / Macau (China)

Hong Kong:

Last year, Barbie and I spent about eight months in Asia to kick off the first leg of our round-the-world journey.  After a temporary detour through the clean, orderly streets of Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, we have officially returned to the land of loose stools.  We have landed in Hong Kong with one primary, non-negotiable mission: gorge on as much dim sum, noodles, dumplings, and roasted meats as humanly possible.

I’ve always been a massive fan of dim sum, but let’s be honest: the quality back home in Chinatown, Las Vegas is totally for shit.  When you bite into a Siu Mai and find yourself chewing on a rubbery, unrecognizable piece of mystery pork, that’s a dead giveaway they aren’t using quality ingredients.

Prior to landing in HK, I did some online research to track down the absolute highest-rated, non-touristy, hardcore local joints spread across the city.  In most cases, Barbie and I were the only foreigners in the restaurant—which was our immediate cue that we were exactly where we needed to be.  Hong Kong dim sum is absolute first-rate and easily lived up to its legendary reputation.

Aside from the dim sum halls, you cannot walk ten feet in this city without running into a roasted meat stall.  You’ll spot them on almost every corner, their front windows fogged up and splattered with greasy, succulent meat juice.  These stalls proudly display roasted ducks and pigs—roast pork, BBQ char siu, and literally every other organ or body part you can physically extract from a pig. We’re talking pig stomach, beef tripe, pig intestines, tongues, livers, ears, and snouts.  If those don’t whet your appetite, you can always opt for a side of curried fish balls, squid tentacles, or octopus.

[Fine Dining]   ──> Top of impressive skyscrapers, over priced, sterile vibes.
[Mom & Pop]     ──> Street level, flimsy metal tables, packed with locals, pure heaven.

While the high-society crowd congregates at the top of glittering skyscrapers, the places that made the biggest impression on us flashpackers were the down-and-dirty mom-and-pop joints.  These are the places where you see locals jammed shoulder-to-shoulder on flimsy metal stools right off the pavement.  There is zero bullshitting around here; the locals are all business when it comes to filling their bellies.

At these hardcore chowdown spots, you are almost always seated in incredibly tight quarters at a shared table with strangers.  Normally, the social etiquette at a dinner table is to engage in light conversation.  Here?  Conversation comes a distant second to the raw concentration required to inhale your food.

The fact that nobody at our shared tables spoke a lick of English made the scene an absolute trip.  I was in my own personal foodie paradise where all standard table manners went completely out the window.  Everyone slurped their noodles, smacked their food, and blasted out the occasional loud burp or snort.  Most of these joints don’t even provide napkins, so the bottom of your t-shirt automatically serves as your face rag.  The grand finale is always a deep, aggressive tooth-picking session with the toothpicks provided on the table.

It is 100% my kind of place because I can never get away with these animal-like table manners around Barbie back home without receiving the ultimate evil devil’s eye.  I would just look over at Barbie at the table and flash her a massive grin.  Without saying a single word, my eyes were telling her, “You are on my turf now, babe!”

Absolute heaven is found at traditional Chinese hole-in-the-wall joints like Lin Heung Teahouse.  If you prefer to keep your refined manners and vastly overpay for your dumplings, you can hit up the famous global mega-chains like Tim Ho Wan or Din Tai Fung.  But you’re missing out on the soul of the city.

NYC Meets Southeast Asia

Hong Kong’s atmosphere is electric—just nonstop, high-octane action.  The setting is spectacular for a massive city.  It’s essentially like plopping New York City right onto the tropical Southeast Asian coast.  It perfectly pairs the gritty edginess and chaos of an Asian metropolis with the bold attitude of a happening Western city.

Wandering the neighborhoods, you see a wild mix of old and new.  In many ways, the city is ultra-modern, but turn a corner and the neighborhood would look and feel exactly like they did when I last visited 25 years ago.  The subways and buses are immaculate and handle a massive and organized flow of human traffic.  Plus, the iconic Star Ferries can navigate you across the harbor for dirt cheap.  Hong Kong officially ranks as one of my favorite cities for public transit, coming in a close second only to Singapore.  It’s clean, it’s safe, and it’s actually fun.  Our favorite joyride was jumping on the top deck of the old-school, windowless double-decker trams and riding them aimlessly around the city with no destination in mind.

Our J Residence Airbnb

For our stay on Hong Kong Island, we rented a really sleek, high-end condo in a brand-new high-rise building called the J Residence, complete with a gym and a killer rooftop pool in the Wanchai district.  After a week there, we packed up our gear and moved across Victoria Harbour onto the Kowloon side to get a different perspective of the city.

The very next day, we were sitting at a shared table in Mongkok devouring dumplings at One Dim Sum.  We struck up a conversation with a local woman sharing our table.  After we casually mentioned that we had just spent the week bunking over at the J Residence, she froze, stared down at her pork siu mai, and went completely quiet.

After a few seconds of highly uncomfortable silence, she raised her head and calmly informed us that our luxury Airbnb building was actually the home of one of the most gruesome, high-profile double-murders in Hong Kong’s history.  A wealthy British investment banker resident had apparently brought home two women on separate nights and viciously slaughtered them in his apartment.

Talk about an eerie piece of news.  It completely tripped Barbie out.  I was just glad we found out about the resident psychopath after we had checked out and handed back the keys.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3931534/Hong-Kong-double-killer-Rurik-Jutting-romped-eight-prostitutes-400-night-hotel-suite.html

Neighborhood Vibes

Every neighborhood we wandered kept us visually entertained because you see wacky shit taking place every time you turn your head.

• Soho & Central: This is the vibrant, newer hipster hangout area popular with expats. Tons of cool little restaurants line Wellington and Stanley Streets, packed with quirky bars, cafes, and boutique hotels. It was cool to see the hipster side of HK, but I’m far from being hip and heavily preferred the gritty, colorful neighborhoods away from the Western crowds.

• Wanchai & Causeway Bay: An endless supply of dim sum, roast meat, and noodle joints. If you are looking for the gritty nightlife, the notorious Lockhart Road in Wanchai is part red-light district and part moneyed playground. You’ll have rowdy girlie bars lining one side of the street while wealthy Westerners sip $20 cocktails right down the block—all of it happening a stone’s throw away from a traditional wonton noodle shop.

• Kowloon & Temple Street: Pure energy. While Barbie and I were sweating our asses off eating delicious Filipino lumpia at Foodtrip Bedana’s on rickety roadside tables, we were thoroughly entertained watching the local street life ply their trade right next to the market.

Dialogue in the Dark Dining Experience

One afternoon, we hopped the subway and ventured way out to Mei Foo, a strictly local neighborhood outside the city center where we were the only non-Chinese people walking the streets.  We were there for an offbeat activity called Dialogue in the Dark.

It’s a 1.5-hour guided tour designed to show you what it’s like to experience daily life if you were Stevie Wonder.  They hand you a walking stick and plunge you into absolute, pitch-black darkness. Using strictly your sense of smell, hearing, and touch, a blind guide leads you through various indoor and outdoor simulated city environments.  It was an incredibly unique, eye-opening experience to navigate.

Horse Racing at Happy Valley

The racing gods have smiled upon Hong Kong, blessing it with arguably the highest-quality horse racing in all of Asia.  Normally, society frowns upon you and classifies you as a degenerate if you love going to the track to wager on the ponies.  Well, I have happily been a degenerate for most of my life, and I proudly brought Barbie into the fold the day we met.

Hong Kong Racing Schedule:
• Wednesday Nights ──> Happy Valley (Urban Jungle, Party Scene)
• Saturday Day     ──> Sha Tin (Hardcore Racing)

Similar to Saratoga, Del Mar, or the top tracks in Australia, horse racing in Hong Kong is a massive, elite social event.  Races are held twice a week: Wednesday nights at Happy Valley and Saturday days out at Sha Tin.  Even if you absolutely hate betting, you would love the atmosphere at Happy Valley.  The entire local workforce floods the track after hours to drink, socialize, bet, and jam out to live music between races.  The track is built right in the dead center of a towering urban jungle, so the skyline view is spectacular and the party scene is legendary.

Wet Markets Madness

A visit to one of Hong Kong’s traditional “Wet Markets” should be mandatory on any traveler’s itinerary just to see where the locals buy their daily groceries.  It is absolute sensory overload and a must-see for its chaotic energy and the sheer volume of locals screaming their orders at the vendors.

Every single type of consumable sea creature imaginable is on display here.  These fish are swimming around completely fine until a customer walks up and points a finger at the one they want.  At that exact moment, an old, worn-out looking Chinese man—yelling in Cantonese with a screeching voice and an apron covered in blood—arms himself with the sharpest butcher knife on the planet.  He proceeds to decapitate the chosen fish on a massive wooden block and carve him up real nice right in front of you.

Even though these fish were literally sliced completely in half, their hearts were still visibly pumping blood through emptying arteries.  It is some seriously intense, primal stuff, and Barbie and I just stood there in absolute amazement staring at the bizarre scene.

Escape from the Concrete Jungle

When you need to temporarily escape the chaos of Hong Kong’s urban sprawl, the city actually has some phenomenal green parks to decompress in.

The Sunday Sea of Humanity

If you visit Victoria Park in Causeway Bay on a Sunday, you will witness a mind-boggling sight. There are roughly 350,000 live-in domestic maids from Indonesia and the Philippines working in Hong Kong, many surviving on a meager $500 USD per month while dealing with intense employer restrictions.

Sunday is their one designated day off, and literally thousands of these young women gather to set up shop together.  They hang out in the park, carpet the street floors, pack the pedestrian overpasses, and fill the alleyways surrounding the park to socialize, share food, and do each other’s hair.  It is a surreal, sprawling sea of humanity that happens every single Sunday without fail.

If you want a more sedate, classic park setting, Hong Kong Park is beautiful to walk around and can easily be paired with a trip up to Victoria Peak since the tram station is right next door.  Over on the Kowloon side, Kowloon Park is another massive green oasis perfect for escaping the concrete.

The Official Big Doug Loose Stools Index

🚽 Loose Stools Index: 8/10 (Back by Popular Demand)

Many regular readers of this blog claimed they couldn’t sleep at night after I temporarily discontinued the Loose Stools Index when we left Southeast Asia last year.  Well, it is officially back by popular demand!

You would think that after spending five months in Australia and New Zealand eating nothing but lamb, meat pies, and fish and chips, my digestive tract would get absolutely handled the second I landed in Hong Kong.  The daily routine here is strictly waking up, eating your ass off, and then eating some more.  Shockingly, despite consuming an inordinate amount of rich dim sum, oily noodles, and roasted meats, the index has held up quite nicely at a solid 8.  I am enjoying it while it lasts, because our next stop is Vietnam and all bets are off.

Thru the Binocs – Smoggy Mecca of Macau

Hong Kong completely blew me away on this visit.  The transformation and sheer accumulation of wealth since my trip 20 years ago is staggering.  Out with the poverty of yesteryear, and in with the mega-rich.  The Chinese economy is clearly doing gangbusters, and wealth is all around.

You see luxury condos sprouting up everywhere, shiny new iPhones in the hand of every single local on the subway, and upscale indoor malls packed with designer boutique shops where local customers are purchasing luxury goods like it’s Christmas morning in May.  On the roads, it feels like every single car is a luxury vehicle—with Tesla taking top honors for being the most prevalent ride in town, and those bad boys aren’t cheap.

The Smoggy Truth About Macau

We hopped the high-speed ferry over to the gambling mecca of Macau for a day-trip to see what all the hype was about.  I can officially report that Macau is basically a sprawling, neon, smoggy shithole.  Unless you are trying to lose your shirt at a baccarat table or enjoy inhaling a thick layer of industrial mainland China smog, it’s a pass.  However, the best thing Macau has going for it is their legendary Portuguese Egg Tarts.  A visit to the queenpin of pastry at Margaret’s Cafe e Nata is a mandatory stop to save the day trip.

It made me wonder to myself: how did the majority of the population in Hong Kong get so filthy rich over the last two decades?  Where did all this newly minted Chinese wealth actually come from?  Is it because they manufacture and export every single piece of inventory to us Americans, who possess an unquenchable, gluttonous desire to accumulate and consume as much useless shit as humanly possible?  Are they getting rich on the heels of American consumers clearing out the shelves at Walmart?  They certainly aren’t accumulating multi-million dollar fortunes hawking $4 baskets of dim sum.  Whatever the secret sauce is, they clearly have it figured out.  They have mastered the money-making game and are true bad mamma jammas.

The final thing I noticed is that the local Hong Kong residents were incredibly orderly and not pushy whatsoever.  There was no aggressive pushing or shoving on the trains, buses, or in queues.  I was pleasantly surprised by this, especially after encountering organized tour groups of mainland Chinese during our travels in other countries who I found to be generally inconsiderate and rude as hell.  Why the massive cultural difference between the residents of Hong Kong and Mainland China? I couldn’t come up with a logical explanation, but I respected it.

Food & Activity –

Restaurants –
Dim Sum – One Dim Sum, Ho Hung Kee, Dim Sum Square, Hay Dim Sum, Lin Hueng Teahouse, Dim Dim Sum, Din Tai Fung, Relax Sichuan Spicy, Toby’s Inn (Stanley), Wong Chi Kei (Macau)
Noodles/Soups/Dumplings/Roast Meats – Wang Fu, Yat Loc, More & More Cafe, Lam Kee Siu Mei, Bowington Food Centre.
Other –  Food Trip Bedana’s

When not eating, other activities include:
– Bus to Stanley Market and Beach
– Hike on Dragon’s Back
– Gambling Mecca of Macau can be reached by ferry in an hour.
– Outer Island: Cheung Chau & Lantau Island (Buddha, Tai-O Fishing Village, Disneyland)
– City Parks (Hong Kong Park, Kowloon Park, Victoria Park)
– Street Markets: Temple St. Mkt, Ladies Mkt, Flower Mkt, Sneaker St.
– Temple Visits (Sik Sik Yuen Wong Tai, Man Mo, Chi Lin Nunnery & Nan Lian Garden)