Ho Chi Minh City / Mekong Delta (South Vietnam)

Ho Chi Minh City, Mekong Delta, South Vietnam, Uncategorized, Vietnam 6 comments

Ho Chi Minh City: Good Morning, Vietnam

We have officially returned to Southeast Asia after a one-year hiatus.  We were craving a return to the pure culture shock from last year’s journey through this exotic region, and we were excited for the ultimate bombardment of our senses—the noise, the smells, the traffic, the organized chaos, and the food.  All of this is exactly what we love about traveling in Asia.

After all the normalcy of our extended time spent in Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, I have to admit we were getting kinda spoiled by the ease and high level of comfort during our travels. Spoiled with achieving “good wipes” on a consistent basis.  Spoiled with almost perfect health.

But the persistent sniffles are sure to return from staying in Asian guesthouses and hotels where the air conditioning seems to have only two settings: Antarctica and Off.  I can recall during last year’s visit to Kampot, Cambodia, the AC in our hotel directly over our bed got so cold that small ice cubes were actually periodically dropping on our heads while we were sleeping.  No bullshit!

Out here, you have a choice. You can turn off the AC and sweat your ass off, or turn it on and freeze your ass off. If you choose to freeze, chances are you will awake sneezing your ass off because some brilliant hotel design company chose to put the fucking AC unit directly over the bed.

Becoming an Instantaneous Dong Millionaire

One of the first things we do upon arrival in a new country is secure a SIM card for our iPhones and hit up the ATM to get local currency.  That was not such an easy task at the Vietnamese ATMs.

Getting a handle on the currency upon arrival was a bit trickier on the mind than any other country because $1 USD equals roughly 22,700 Dong.  My initial $300 USD withdrawal was equivalent to a massive 6.8 million Vietnamese Dong.  It was a pain to count when my brain was total mush after a long flight, but I was glad to be an instantaneous Dong Millionaire and was ready to throw around a bunch of cash. I’m a dangerous man with money in my pocket.

Unfortunately, with this newly found enormous wealth, I learned there are ramifications that go along with it.  You better be on top of your game when you arrive here.  If you aren’t, you will get your ass handed to you quite quickly by the “Vietnamese Shuffle.”

The locals seemingly look at us Americans as if we are human ATMs, and the Vietnamese are experts at getting their hands on your Dong.  That’s Dong the currency, folks—not your Johnson. Although, the new breed of slick, street-wise Vietnamese women are also trying to get their hands on that dong as well.

The 30-Cent Battle

It initially felt like the locals were attempting to rip us off.  The real funny thing is that these guys are not trying to con you out of hundreds of dollars.  Ho Chi Minh City is the absolute capital of nickel-and-diming.  For just about every transaction, you will find yourself doing battle over about 30 cents.  By the end of the day, being hustled definitely adds up, and you could find yourself ripped off for a whopping $5 bucks given the 10 to 20 transactions you make per day.

All of this chicanery basically stems from the confusion of the currency.  The Vietnamese have the Dong calculations down pat on every transaction.  But unless you are real quick with math, it is a true mind-fuck transaction having to add it all up and get the proper change.

It goes something like this: You hand over a crisp half-million (500,000) Dong bill (about $20 USD) for an icy-cold coconut from a street vendor that costs 27,000 Dong.  They hand you 473,000 Dong in change.  Now you gotta do the math and count the shit in 100-degree Southeast Asian heat, sweating your balls off, while all you’re thinking about is taking a sip from the straw sitting in that cold, freshly cut coconut.

These daily transactions happen so quickly.  Because the vendors are so fast and sneaky, before you know it, they have ripped you off for 9,701 Dong—or roughly 40 cents.  I will admit, I actually loved the daily challenge of this ongoing con game and looked forward to leaving our rented condo ready for battle.  Barbie found a great deal of humor in the entire process, but found it sort of irritating being the most trustworthy person on this planet.  She basically took the easy way out and looked to BFD to handle most financial transactions.

Living Like Kings

The beautiful thing about Vietnam is that everything is so insanely inexpensive.  Outside of the comical and petty nickel-and-diming, you never really have to look at the prices in restaurants or at street stalls.  Simply order whatever you want and as much as you want, cause it ain’t gonna cost you much.

For accommodation in Saigon, we wanted to rent a new condo in the heart of the city and were shocked to see how low the pricing actually was compared to Australia, New Zealand, and French Polynesia.  Our eyes almost popped out when we saw condos being rented for as low as $17 per night on Airbnb.  We splurged for one of the newest condo buildings that all the young, well-heeled Vietnamese live in—right on the river for $62 a night with a rooftop pool and gym.

We took Ubers all around the city, and a 3-to-5 mile drive to our destination would cost anywhere from 60 cents up to a buck.  I wondered if the security fraud department of my credit card company thought I was buying loose joints all day after seeing 20 transactions all under a dollar begin rolling in.

As for food, the popular streetside Banh Mi sandwich will set you back about 70 cents.  Dinner at most restaurants costs about $15 for both of us.  Massages cost $10 per hour.  Even prescription drugs are dirt cheap.  There’s no need for a doctor’s prescription here, so you don’t even have to ante up a co-payment just to get a script written.  A 30-day supply of my brand-name drug costs $8 here; back in the USA, the cost is $158.  The other inexpensive Asian countries we visited on our travels were Myanmar, Cambodia, and the Philippines, and I can now confidently add Vietnam to the list of places where it’s good to be the king.

Ho Chi Minh City: The Art of Crossing the Street

Formerly known as Saigon, Ho Chi Minh City is a common first stop in Vietnam.  One of the biggest challenges a traveler will encounter here is simply crossing the street.  It’s absolutely crazy.  After learning the currency game, the next thing on your to-do list is to master the art of crossing the street before you get flattened by a motorbike.  Everything runs in a sort of organized chaos of scooters and roundabouts that is sure to make your head spin.

I read in the Vietnam Post that over 1,000 new scooters are registered every single day in Saigon, and any one of them could easily plow over you if you fail to learn the art of the street cross quickly. Usually, sidewalks are a pedestrian’s safe haven.  Here in Ho Chi Minh City, the sidewalks are not simply for walking.  They are for eating street food, parking motorbikes, and serving as an impromptu extra lane for scooters when the regular road is in a traffic snarl.

Not only is the daytime buzzing with nonstop action, but the nightlife is action galore and on a similar scale to Thailand’s famed scene.  A walk down Bui Vien Street at night is pure sensory overload.  We also stumbled upon another area I never knew existed in Saigon following our walk after dinner.  If you are in the game for the ladies of the night and the obligatory massage parlors, then Ngo Van Nam and Le Thanh Ton streets will serve as your adult playground.

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Getting Lost in District 1

The best activity to do in Ho Chi Minh is simply break out your walking shoes or flip-flops and get lost in all the District 1 street action.  Spending time people-watching and immersing yourself in the thick of Vietnamese city life is unbeatable.  There are a bunch of good historical sites to check out, like the War Remnants Museum and the Reunification Palace, but our main activity was to walk around, observe, and eat.

Our go-to signature street food dishes are the Banh Mi and Pho:

  • Banh Mi: This is the ultimate Vietnamese sandwich. One of the best things passed down from the French colonial period is the freshly baked baguette, and they sure get it right in Vietnam. For some reason, the baguettes mostly suck in the United States, but they were first-rate everywhere we got our hands on them here.  I’ve since learned the secret to the Vietnamese baguette is that they bake them with rice flour instead of regular wheat flour. It’s served with killer fillings like pâté, cilantro, shredded daikon radish, chili peppers, and pork.
  • Pho: Vietnam’s most popular dish exported to the West originally originated in Hanoi. It consists of flat rice noodles with beef or chicken, lots of fresh herbs, and a rich broth. When walking the streets, you can see the Vietnamese slurping this down at basically any time of day, including for breakfast. There are so many Pho joints to choose from, and we selectively chose Pho 2000—the exact spot President Clinton slurped his noodles down right adjacent to the bustling Ben Thanh Market.

Overall, we thought the street food was great for a few reasons: it’s dirt cheap, fun to eat alongside the locals, and it’s nowhere near as spicy-hot as Thai food.  Plus, Vietnamese food is incredibly healthy.  No wheat, no dairy, high in protein, and loaded with tons of fresh herbs.

 

Mekong Delta: 

After a week in Saigon, we headed south to the Mekong Delta.  The Delta is a vast, incredible place to visit, and it’s the absolute best place to see a completely different side of Vietnam.

Life down here is unlike anything else in our travels.  Even though it is only a few hours from bustling Saigon, it feels a world away.  There is so much to see and so many towns to visit.  During our four nights in the Delta, we really got into the mix by booking a group tour with The SinhTourist in Ho Chi Minh City.  We chose this tour company because we wanted to avoid the plush, higher-end tourist bubbles in favor of a more authentic experience, and they delivered big time.

We were the only Americans on an 18-person group tour that consisted mostly of Vietnamese adults and children who spoke little to no English.  We ate together, toured together, sweated our butts off together, and laughed together.  The unspoken bond we created with the group was really special considering the language barrier.  We were all on the same page and felt a huge connection with each other.

One of the downsides of extended travel is saying goodbye to people you form a quick bond with. We were sad to go our separate ways at the end of the tour, but what makes travel so fascinating is that we all learned so much from each other in the big game of life.  We visited the towns of Cai Be, Vinh Long, Chau Doc, and Can Tho—the heart of the Mekong Delta and its largest town.  After saying our goodbyes to our tour group, we splurged a bit and stayed on a few extra nights in bustling Can Tho at the old-school Victoria Hotel.  A little pampering was definitely in order for us flashpackers.

Stared at Like Rock Stars

The innocent lifestyle in the Mekong Delta still remains relatively the same as when I last visited 20 years ago.  It appeared like the local residents didn’t know, or maybe just didn’t care, about anything that exists outside their own insular world.  The Delta really has this unique feeling like you are completely detached from the outside world.

Similar to our time spent in Myanmar, Barbie and I were constantly stared at when walking the streets.  I couldn’t figure out if they thought we were rock stars or aliens from outer space.  Barbie was a bit embarrassed by all the staring, while I was busy signing mental autographs for my many local admirers.  I got a real kick out of being stopped by young Vietnamese kids on the street wanting to interview me to practice their English.  I tried giving them the winner of the Preakness stakes, but they didn’t seem to understand horse racing.

The majority of travelers visiting Vietnam do not include the Mekong Delta in their itineraries.  In my opinion, leaving it out is a huge mistake, as it’s one of the most colorful areas to visit in the entire country.  There are plenty of options from Ho Chi Minh City for quick day trips, but to get a better sense of the place, it’s best to have more time and take it slowly.

Life moves at a way different pace here.  There is so much going on, and the ultimate thing to do is get on the canals and explore the waterways running throughout the delta.  It’s all about the mighty Mekong River, and that’s where most of the interesting day-to-day life occurs.  It was fascinating just to sit back and observe the winding, black muddy river life all around us.

The floating markets in each town were an authentic experience unlike the ones you would see in Thailand set up and run for tourists.  To properly see the floating markets, we needed to awake at the crack of ass, at around 6 AM.  It’s the most optimal time to witness life on the river while the locals make the most of the coolest part of the day.  It’s freaking hot, I mean really hot in the Mekong Delta.  How hot? It’s Hot. Damn Hot. Real Hot. Sweaty Ass Hot.

The Official Big Doug Loose Stools Index

🚽 Loose Stools Index: 7/10 (Room for Improvement)

The Stools Index is holding up fairly well, despite a minor debacle on our arrival night.  I am not entirely certain if it was the steamed fish or the homemade chili sauce I dipped the fish in that did me in.  One of the keys to maintaining a big number on the loose stools index is trying to identify the cause of the fire in an effort to prevent future fires.

I needed to investigate this further like a true scientist.  The steamed fish was so good that I took a calculated risk of ordering the exact same fish—but sans the homemade chili sauce—three nights later.  I was totally good to go, and the index subsequently jumped back up into solid stools territory.  I effectively identified the culprit, and that is exactly what every seasoned traveler must be cognizant of while trying to ward off the demons.

Thru the Binocs: Is Vietnam the New Thailand?

Yes, indeed.  I had been a huge fan of Thailand for so many years, dating back to my first visit in 1991 and my subsequent six return visits.  But Thailand has become so enormously popular over the years that, in my opinion, it has been a bit spoiled unless you get completely off the beaten track.

Many of the crown-jewel island beaches in the south have become overdeveloped and have lost a great deal of their original charm.  The low-key beach huts with the obligatory hammock swinging in front, interspersed among the palm trees, used to have a unique Southeast Asian tropical island feel.  Those small resorts, previously owned by local Thai families, fit so well into the landscape and vibe of the islands.  Fast forward to today, and most of these gems have been purchased by big corporations, bulldozed over, and replaced by brand-new, five-star resort monstrosities that completely lack the old authentic Thai charm.

Mass tourism has had a huge impact on the locals in most regions of Thailand.  What was once known as the “Land of Smiles” has slowly become the “Land of give me your Baht.”  The Thais have become jaded by the massive influx of tourists overcrowding all the major hotspots.

That innocent charm has been dissipating in Thailand, but luckily, it can now be found in Vietnam. The demeanor of the Vietnamese people is very similar to the way the Thais were back in the good old days.  The soft-spoken kindness of every single local we have come into contact with has left such a great impression on us.  And whereas prices have skyrocketed in Thailand, we are able to live on a small fraction of that budget in Vietnam.  We both loved our time here so much that we already plan to revisit upon our return to Asia towards the end of the year.

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