Tasmania:
Tasmania is a rugged island roughly the size of West Virginia, sitting all out on its own off the southern coast of Australia. It’s basically out in the middle of the sea, operating in its own little La La Land. Honestly, if World War III ever broke out because of whatever lunatic is currently running the show, and the nukes started flying, it is safe to say absolutely none of those missiles would be pointed in Tassie’s direction. Nobody else on earth seems to even know the place exists.
Tasmania is routinely overlooked by visitors heading down under. I’d bet that a good chunk of tourists don’t even know Tasmania is part of Australia, let alone point to it on a map. This is my fourth trip to Oz, but it was my very first time visiting Tassie. Now that I’ve been, I can confidently tell you that a visit to Australia is completely incomplete without an extended run through Tasmania during the summer months. The place is a true, raw, outdoor adventure paradise.
To illustrate just how beautifully remote this island is: some of the TVs in our Airbnbs actually had a manual antenna attached to them. I haven’t physically touched a TV antenna in over 20 years! It’s Australia’s smallest state, yet over 40% of the entire landmass is strictly reserved as protected national parks and World Heritage areas. The whole island feels completely stuck in a time warp. Even though it’s technically a state of Australia, it feels like an entirely different country. It’s as if they just never got the memo on “modern civilization,” and they don’t give a flying shit either. That non-conforming, fiercely independent attitude is exactly what makes the place so unique.
Hobart:
When we first rolled into the capital city of Hobart, Barbie immediately remarked that it felt like landing in Saratoga, New York, completely outside of racing season. My own initial impression was that we had accidentally wandered onto an old-school Hollywood movie set depicting 19th-century Australia.
The city has a cool layout. Massive mountains and deep blue water surround the harbor, with historic homes tucked perfectly into the steep landscape. Because the buildings in the city center are heavily protected heritage structures, they’ve been left totally alone. There are absolutely no ugly, modern high-rises dotting the skyline to ruin the view. Hobart and its outlying coastal suburbs are an absolute joy to wander around on foot.
[The Hobart Strategy] If you are planning a trip out here, you absolutely MUST time your arrival to hit the Saturday Salamanca Outdoor Market. It is the undisputed Big Kahuna of markets. If you aren't eating your way through the local food stalls or hitting the markets, there’s not a whole hell of a lot else to do in Hobart.
From my first impression, the Tasmanian locals are total throwbacks. The fashion scene here is locked tightly in the 1960s and ’70s. A lot of the older guys look and dress exactly like Leo O’Brien, while the older women look like they’re channeling Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall. It’s as if modern, fast-fashion trends don’t concern them in the slightest. Some trendy hipsters might call it a “vintage look”—I just call it an old-ass look.
At first, I wasn’t entirely crazy about Hobart, but after three days of slow-paced exploring, the laid-back lifestyle grew on me. I especially liked the fact that prices in general were about 15% cheaper across the board compared to the other parts of Australia we’ve hit so far.
One interesting thing I noticed is that the international tour bus crowds have firmly discovered Tasmania. I honestly wondered how the heck these massive Chinese tour groups managed to locate such an under-the-radar place. My only plausible theory is that they use a method similar to how ants find food. One scout locates a sweet spot, sends out a chemical signal to the rest of the nest, and suddenly a massive colony swarms the food source. They send out a few reconnaissance scouts to source out these pristine, desirable destinations, and once discovered, busload after busload rolls in—all of them armed with brand-new iPhones and giant selfie sticks. These massive organized tour groups make zero effort to socialize with other travelers, staying glued to their packs and rarely acknowledging anyone outside their immediate circle. To make matters worse, they also really love to litter, which drives Barbie and me completely up the wall. Visiting mainland China has been on our travel bucket list for a while, but these encounters are giving us serious second thoughts. Yeah, they probably have kick-ass dumplings over there, but I’m afraid I’d be walking around pissed off at the crowds every day to actually enjoy them.
If you come to Tasmania during their summer expecting consistent, baking-hot beach weather, you better hope you get lucky. The summer temperatures out here fluctuate wildly on a daily basis, swinging anywhere from 50°F to 75°F (10°C to 24°C) in the blink of an eye. The locals told us we were incredibly fortunate to catch crisp, blue skies during our stay, because the weather is rarely clear for an extended stretch. The residents were loving the unusual sunny streak just as much as we were, heading straight for the lakes, beaches, and mountains to join in on the outdoor fun.
Bicheno, Freycinet National Park & Bay of Fires:
We allocated two full weeks to circle the island and explore this incredibly scenic corner of the globe. One of the single best ways to tackle the East Coast of Tassie is by taking a proper road trip along the legendary Great Eastern Drive. This stunning coastal highway is world-famous for a reason, and it is hands-down one of the most beautiful stretches in all of Australia.
Driving this route offers countless opportunities to pull over, stretch your legs, and soak up spectacular panoramic views. The drive features more stunning little white-sand beaches, hidden coves, and emerald bays than you can possibly imagine. On the inland side, you are flanked by wide-open, rolling green fields where thousands of sheep are relaxing and grazing on the grass, enjoying some of the best ocean views on earth… well, at least until they are inevitably turned into juicy lamb chops, which are wildly popular down here.
To keep travel costs down, we’ve been hitting the local supermarkets and buying fresh lamb as our main meat of choice to throw on the BBQ. It is unbelievably fresh, incredibly tasty, and costs a mere fraction of the price of beef. I’m assuming it’s going to be even cheaper when we cross over to New Zealand. I would also be completely remiss if I didn’t mention Banjo’s. Even though it’s a small local bakery chain, they pump out some mighty fine, piping-hot meat pies, and we gorged on them during our drives.
Wineglass Bay & Freycinet National Park:
Some of the beaches on this coast have an international reputation, particularly Wineglass Bay inside Freycinet National Park, and the spectacular Binalong Bay Beach (Bay of Fires), up in the northeast region.
Wineglass Bay—with its flawless, crescent-shaped white sand and turquoise water—is consistently rated as one of the top ten beaches on planet earth, and it absolutely lived up to the hype.
The real beauty of Wineglass Bay is that you actually have to put in the physical work to reap the reward. The beach remains completely pristine because massive granite mountains protect the bay from the infiltration of us ugly, polluting humans. There is no road access; the only way onto the sand is via a sweaty, 1.5-hour, steep uphill and downhill hike.
I’ve learned throughout our decades of travel to remote places that wherever there are no automobiles and no easy human access, you will find something beautiful. Wineglass Bay is reason alone to fly to Tasmania. If you have the stamina to tackle the longer, half-day loop hike over to Hazards Beach, it’s no exaggeration to say you will be walking one of the greatest day trails in all of Australia. Just pray for a sunny summer day, because the weather is volatile and a little sunshine makes a massive difference in the water color.
When visiting Freycinet National Park, we elected to make our base in the small town of Bicheno solely because of the nightly Penguin parade. At the beach, directly across the street from our Airbnb in Bicheno, it was a incredibly cool sight to watch flocks of wild little fairy penguins emerge from the surf and waddle ashore to their homes to shack up for the evening in their cribs in the bushes. Note, the parade begins like clockwork at 9:30 PM every single night.
Cradle Mountain National Park & Strahan:
After wrapping up our coastal drive, we headed inland and straight into the rugged peaks of Cradle Mountain National Park. The scenery changed dramatically from coastal bush to dramatic, alpine wilderness.
We hiked the famed Dove Lake Circuit. Walking the boardwalks around the perimeter of the glassy lake was awesome, framed by a soaring mountain backdrop that I will never forget. It was completely breathtaking in every way. There is nothing quite like getting out into pure, unadulterated nature to make you realize how free you are. My mind will always return to Dove Lake whenever I need to close my eyes and picture myself in a peaceful place.
From the mountains, we proceeded in our piece-of-shit Kia rental car—you know, the exact same economy model that LeBron James insists he drives in those ridiculous TV commercials—to check out the west coast, sleepy waterfront village of Strahan.
The most heavily hyped activity in Strahan is the luxury Gordon River cruise, which takes you deep into Tasmania’s World Heritage Wilderness Area. However, we ultimately decided to pass on the 4-hour, $150-per-person cruise. We were honestly just feeling like total tight-asses that day, and instead chose to spend Christmas Day relaxing, unwinding, and eating Barbie’s world-class home cooking inside our pimped-out cabin. We did manage to get off our butts briefly to hike through the rainforest to a cool local waterfall, which cost us absolutely nothing.
Bruny Island:
We opted to conclude our Tasmanian road trip with a ferry ride over to Bruny Island, sitting just off the southeast coast, after hearing it was the ultimate wilderness experience on the island.
One of the things I love most about traveling through Tasmania is the unparalleled opportunity to encounter native wildlife completely up close.
Tasmania’s indigenous wildlife is everywhere you look:
- Wallabies and Kangaroos bounding through the bush.
- Wombats and Echidnas wandering along the trails.
- Tasmanian Devils hiding out in the forests.
- Dolphins, Seals, and Migrating Whales patrolling the coast.
- A whole shitload of incredibly colorful, exotic birds that I have never seen before in my life.
Barbie, being the massive animal lover that she is, officially declared one of our days on the island “the absolute best day of my life.” She got to spend the entire afternoon hand-feeding a variety of these creatures right off the wooden balcony of our cabin. I was completely cool with the wildlife feeding session right up until she ran out of snacks and started dipping into the raw ground beef I had explicitly on tap for my dinner burger. Back off the beef, Barbie!
Thru the Binocs: The Mind-Blowing Aussie Honor System
As an American traveler, I am in absolute awe of the honor system they have running down here in Australia. We simply do not have this level of societal trust back in the States anymore; that system seemingly went out the window sometime in the 1980s.
Look at how things operate out here:
- Gas Stations: You pull up to the pump, fill your tank all the way to the top, and then leisurely walk into the convenience store to pay. In America, if you allowed people to pump gas before paying, you might as well put up a giant neon sign out front that says, “Please steal our fuel, we hope you feel like paying today.”
- Supermarket Checkout: At the self-service checkout lines, there is no annoying weight scale in the bagging area constantly yelling at you. It is entirely up to the honesty of the customer to properly scan every single item.
- Car Security: Locals routinely leave their cars completely unlocked with the windows rolled down while running errands in town. In America, doing that is a foolproof recipe for having to call your insurance company to inform them that all your shit was just stolen.
- No Keys Required: At several of our regional accommodations, the hosts nonchalantly told us that there wasn’t even a key to lock the front door. It took my cynical American brain a considerable amount of time to get my head around that one.
- Public Transit: When you hop onto a tram or train to get around the city, all the doors slide open and there isn’t a single soul present to collect your fare. It is entirely the responsibility of the rider to tap their prepaid transit card.
- National Parks: Visiting the spectacular national parks is entirely based on the honor system to pay your entry fees. There are no guard gates or toll booths blocking the roads at the entrance to these parks. You just buy a pass and display it.
Our two weeks exploring Tasmania absolutely flew by, and we were sad to pack up our bags. But the road rolls on, and we are now primed to explore the legendary beaches and wild open spaces of Western Australia. Just like Tasmania, WA is completely off the radar for the vast majority of international visitors, who tend to focus strictly on the standard East Coast tourist trail because of limited vacation time. Fortunately, Barbie and I have been walking the world with absolutely no time constraints, which has enabled us to take it slow and experience the true magic of these off-the-beaten-path destinations.
The Official Big Doug Loose Stools Index
🚽 Loose Stools Index: 9.5/10
The digestive tract faced a few radical shifts on the Tasmanian circuit. The internal plumbing is clean, solid, and fully prepared to handle the incoming beach lifestyle of Western Australia!
Big Doug & Barbie Drop Out of Society 