From Amsterdam to the Chaos of Bangkok:
Our time is officially up in Amsterdam, and we are finally heading off to Japan! We are incredibly excited about this leg because, believe it or not, neither Barbie nor I have ever been there.
Of course, with all the crazy war game news and missile launches constantly coming out of North Korea lately, we are just hoping we don’t find ourselves sitting directly in the crosshairs of the next world war. Look, if we do happen to get nuked during our stay in Japan because of whatever political imbecile is running the show back home, I guess it would be one hell of an epic ending to our round-the-world journey. But if the apocalypse is coming, I am just praying it waits until after I eat the most kick-ass sushi dinner of my life in Tokyo.
The Stopover Strategy: Why We Ditched the Marathon Flight
Flying from Amsterdam to Tokyo is a brutal, exhausting haul, especially when you factor in a double connection.
We learned our lesson the hard way last year when we pulled a marathon two-connection flight from Israel to Brisbane, stopping in Frankfurt and Singapore. By the time we touched down in Australia, we were walking around like pure, brain-dead zombies.
To avoid arriving in Tokyo completely shattered, we decided to deploy a classic flashpacker life hack: we booked a four-night stopover in Bangkok to break up the journey and indulge in the non-stop action the city has on tap.
Man, am I glad we did. The flight to Bangkok alone absolutely wiped out Barbie. She caught some serious jet lag and needed a solid few days just to recover.
High-Rise Luxury
For our stay in Bangkok, we booked an upscale high-rise condo right in the heart of the action on Sukhumvit Soi 13. Once again, Airbnb delivered the goods, costing us a mere $75 USD per night.
That is just tremendous value, and it’s one of the things I love most about arriving in Southeast Asia—the incredible purchasing power of your dollar. A luxury condo like this in any other major capital city in the world would easily clear $300 to $400 a night.
Because we were two tired hombres, there were absolutely no Thai temples or cultural sightseeing on the itinerary this time around. We basically slept our asses off. When we did muster up the energy to venture out into the scorching, oppressive Bangkok heat, it was strictly to duck into one of the city’s massive, over-the-top, air-conditioned malls.
Mastering the Mall Food Court
If you haven’t been out here, you need to understand that Asian countries have completely perfected the modern mega-mall. They are the true epicenters of local action because it is simply too fucking hot to walk around outside for long.
And these aren’t your crappy American malls with sad, greasy food courts. We are talking about serious, world-class international chowdowns. If you’re looking for the best spots to escape the heat and grab some killer food, add these to your list:
- Sukhumvit Area: Terminal 21 (where every floor is themed after a different international city) , Empshere, The Emporium, The EmQuartier.
- Siam Square Area: Siam Paragon, Central World, Siam Center, Central Embassy, and Central Chidlom.
Khao San Road Circus
One evening, we felt recovered enough to pay our obligatory visit to Khao San Road for a casual dinner, a mandatory $8-an-hour foot massage, and a wander through the night scene just as the surreal action started gearing up.
Khao San Road is the undisputed global epicenter for “off-the-grid” backpackers and budget travelers. It is an absolute circus that will make you stop and stare in pure amazement.
Big Doug Route Tip: When you inevitably need to escape the chaotic sensory overload of Khao San, make a direct beeline for the adjacent street called Rambuttri Alley. It offers a way cooler, more relaxed vibe with live street musicians and fantastic outdoor seafood restaurants lining the lanes. If you enjoy pure fun, hitting this area in the evening is a must.
Checking out Patpong
On another night, we made our way over to the Patpong Road Night Market. Historically, this place is a chaotic mix of a bustling street market flanked by notorious adult entertainment.
Patpong Road has clearly morphed over the years as the area didn’t have any of the same frenzied, wild energy we enjoyed in years past. It seems pretty clear that the epicenter for naughty-boy adult action has officially shifted over to Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy.
Down the center of Patpong, vendors are still hawking all sorts of counterfeit crap. On the sides of the street, the girlie bars are wide open, and upstairs is where they host the famed, raunchy sex shows. Aggressive Thai touts line the sidewalks, shoving sexually explicit menus in your face detailing the various circus acts performed upstairs. Look, if your life’s burning desire is to watch ping-pong balls, darts, or bananas shoot out of a girl’s private parts, then these upper-floor shows are exactly what you’re looking for. I can’t vouch for the authenticity of these girlie bars nowadays. From a quick glance, I would venture to say the scene is nothing at all like years past. However, I can vouch that back in the 90’s, Patpong was one of the most iconic nightlife areas in the world.
Thru the Binocs
Update: Big Doug’s Flashback Reality Check (Written 9 Years Later)
A Note From the Future Big Doug…
Before you read my regular “Thru the Binocs” breakdown below (in black), I need to issue a formal apology to the entire nation of Thailand. Reading this post back nine years later, I sound like an ungrateful, uptight cretin.
Look, I’m leaving my original 2017 rant below because I keep it real on this blog—but I need to swallow a massive slice of humble pie. Looking back on this after multiple return trips to Thailand, I was completely wrong.
The truth? Barbie and I were severely jet-lagged, tired as shit, and running on absolute fumes after a brutal marathon journey from Amsterdam. (And, this brief layover in Thailand was only for a few days). Every traveler has had that experience where a place feels like hell simply because they haven’t slept in 30 hours. We didn’t give Thailand a fair shake during those four days, and I let a bad case of travel burnout turn me into a cynical critic. Thailand didn’t lose its magic; I just lost my patience. To the Land of Smiles, and to you guys reading this: I apologize for the harsh words. It remains one of the greatest travel destinations on the planet.
Thru the Binocs (Written in 2017)
It is genuinely tough for me to say anything negative about Thailand because it was once my absolute favorite country on the planet. I have visited about a dozen times over the decades, covering nearly every major city and tropical island down south. I still love the raw chaos, the noise, and the pungent smells of Bangkok—returning to this sprawling mess of a city never gets old for me.
Barbie, however, has some serious mixed feelings. She feels strongly that mass tourism has permanently spoiled the charm of this country, and that the genuine “Land of Smiles” spirit has largely vanished from the main track.
After reflecting on our month-long road trip through Thailand last year combined with this stopover, I have to admit I agree with her perspective. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but Thailand is increasingly giving off the vibe of a tired, irritated nation that is simply jaded by the sheer volume of tourists.
When you inject 30 million tourist arrivals a year into a country, something is bound to break.
If you visit any of Thailand’s popular tourist hubs today—Phuket, Samui, Phi Phi, Railay, Koh Lipe, Koh Tao, Krabi, Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai, or even the backpacker mountain town of Pai—you are going to find suffocating crowds. There has been a massive, rapid influx of large tour groups infiltrating Southeast Asia, and frankly, a lot of them are loud, obnoxious, and show zero respect for the local destinations they are visiting.
The secret has been out on Thailand for a long time. It is no longer “off the beaten track.” Instead, it is rapidly transforming into an expensive, mainstream, conveyor-belt tourist destination completely devoid of any real sense of raw adventure. Mainstream tourism here now feels as artificial and commercialized as any major tourist trap in the West.
Regardless of which popular Thai town you visit, the formula is now identical:
- Massage shops & tattoo parlors
- Copy-paste beer bars & trinket sellers
- ubiquitous 7-Elevens & hawker carts
- Rip-off taxi drivers & westernized, dumbed-down Thai food
It’s all lumped together into a bunch of narrow, grubby little streets.
Our time is officially up in Bangkok. We are boarding our flight to Japan, ready to escape the commercial tourist masses for an extended, deep-dive stint across the country.
Big Doug & Barbie Drop Out of Society 